


Hopeful Hurt

by CandyPunk413



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:20:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9950045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandyPunk413/pseuds/CandyPunk413
Summary: His parents and his siblings told him he was lucky, that he must not have had a soulmate. They all told him there was no joy in the pain that came with love, that he wasn't missing out on much.Au in which soulmates can (usually) feel each other's physical pain.





	

Kaworu had never known what it was like to feel the pain of another person. 

 

He had empathy and he understood how it worked of course, but he still didn't really know what it was like to share another person’s suffering. He had never known the random sting of a soulmate’s pen against his skin, or the excruciating pulse of his soulmate breaking their arm. He never woke up with a scraped knee, or suddenly got a nose bleed like more other children did. The only pain he had ever experienced was his own, and for years he assumed It always would be. 

 

His parents and his siblings told him he was lucky, that he must not have had a soulmate. They all told him there was no joy in the pain that came with love, that he wasn't missing out on much. Of course, Kaworu never felt that way about it. He felt so cheated back then, like life owed him a person on the other side of his non-existent scars and bruises. Truth was, life didn't owe him anything, because life had not wronged him.

 

Kaworu didn't find this out until after he turned 15, when he suddenly felt as if he had been punched in the face. It was right in the middle of dinner too, his whole family was witness to him suddenly stumbling back out of his chair. At first Kaworu didn't understand what had happened, not until his mother cried out in joy that his nose was bleeding, and that maybe he had a soulmate after all. 

 

That cry of joy was cut short when Kaworu suddenly had his breath knocked out of him. He did have a soulmate, one that was obviously getting the shit kicked out of them at the moment. 

 

As Kaworu’s siblings all got up from the dinner table in favor of helping him up, he was overwhelmed by so many confusing emotions. There was relief and there was happiness, but with that followed anger and sadness. Why now of all times was he able to feel anything from his soulmate? Why did it take 15 years? Had they really avoided injury for that long, or had Kaworu just not been able to feel anything for some reason?

 

Kaworu didn't know, and he couldn't think. Blow after blow landed on him, and he knew for a fact that now was not the time to be thinking about this. His siblings tried to ice his bruises, but more would suddenly appear as they tried. 

 

Whoever his soulmate was just have  _ really _ upset some people in order to get an ass kicking this bad. 

 

Kaworu was thankful when it finally stopped, but he was even more grateful that it happened in the first place. 

 

He just had to keep up hope, he would meet his soulmate some day, the beating he got at dinner was proof of that. 

 

Kaworu just had to remain hopeful.

 

~~~

 

In the weeks that followed, Kaworu started to do all kinds of research on soulmates and special cases involving them. He dug up dozens of old reports and articles about people who had met their soulmate's under different circumstances than normal. 

 

He found that while a vast majority of the population could feel their soulmate’s physical pain, there were pockets of people who could feel each other's emotional pain instead. There were also cases in which soulmates wouldn't be able to feel anything from each other until they needed each other the most. This of course explained why Kaworu wasn't able to feel anything for years until his soulmate was beaten practically half to death. 

 

It was an answer, sure, but Kaworu couldn't help but feel bitter about it. He needed a soulmate all his life, and for some reason he still couldn't feel them. It didn't seem fair. 

 

His sister Bardiel was the first to point out that it was never fair. To make a point, she retold the tail of the time when her soulmate sprained an ankle two days before she had an ice skating competition that could have qualified her for nationals. Kaworu's brother Sachiel jumped in with the story about how he got chicken pox on their family vacation to Rome even though he had been vaccinated. It wasn't until Ramiel tried to remind him of when he almost went deaf because of his soulmate that Kaworu said he heard enough. 

 

He continued researching everything he could think of on the topic of soulmates. He found everything from statistics to personal accounts and documents to even genetic and medical science about the pairing of soulmates. 

 

The average age world wide for meeting one’s soulmate was around 20 to 30 years of age. That wasn't to say that people couldn't meet their soulmate outside that age range of course. Sometimes people would find their soulmate in childhood or not until they were on their deathbed. Hell, a person could have even met their soulmate years in advance to realising who they were. 

 

Kaworu not so silently hoped with all his heart that he wouldn't meet his soulmate towards his time of death. 

 

~~~

 

Fall swooped down like a hawk, coming in with a burst of red and orange leaves rather than any kind of subtle change like most years. School was starting again soon, and Kaworu was as indifferent to it as always. 

 

Sure, there would be new people, there always was, but beyond that Kaworu didn't care much for school. He was a good student, mostly because his parents would never expect anything less, and he got along well with others. Though, he never really focused too much on the problems school often created for most other kids. Things like crushes despite soulmates, stress of schoolwork, discourse between friends, it was all things that he never paid attention to.

 

His brother Ramiel once told him that he always had a distant look in his eyes, as if he was searching for something constantly. In a way, Ramiel had been right. Kaworu was looking for something, but not even he knew what. 

 

Kaworu's first day of 9th grade probably wouldn't give him any answers, school never did. The most school ever did for him was give him something to do when he wasn't sharpening his piano playing skills or trying to get through his constant existential crisis. 

 

It was a pleasant surprise to find that while the first day didn't give him an answer, it sure as hell gave him  _ something _ . 

 

That something, or rather  _ someone _ , came to him in the form of a new addition to his class. Shinji Ikari, a boy who Kaworu was quick to befriend for no other reason than because it felt right. 

 

Shinji seemed a tad shy at first, though Kaworu supposed that guarded was a more accurate word. Shinji seemed like he was waiting for Kaworu to stop talking to him and suddenly laugh in his face or something equally cruel. Of course, Kaworu would never do such a thing. He would make sure Shinji knew that. 

 

It wasn't until around lunch that Shinji also introduced Kaworu to Rei Ayanami, the other new kid. Apparently the two lived together but were not blood related. Kaworu found her to be… interesting to say the least. She made him think back to what Ramiel said about him, how he always looked like he was searching for something. In a moment of contemplation, Kaworu decided that she was the same way. She looked like her mind was elsewhere, but she was still doing her best to stay on the ground. 

 

The three became fast friends as the first few weeks of school progressed. Shinji gained a few new friends too, ones that seemed indifferent to Kaworu for the most part. Kaworu then took the liberty of introducing Rei to one of his sort-of friends.

 

Asuka Langley Soryu had been friends with Kaworu and (most) of his siblings since childhood. It was a tad strange that this happened, considering Asuka’s mother worked for the company that rivaled Kaworu’s parent’ own. Despite this, they had all stuck together in a strange sort of child-of-somewhat-neglectful-rich-parents- type deal. 

 

Kaworu hoped that a calm person like Rei would help settle down the boisterous and overwhelming personality of Asuka…

 

Kaworu hoped for too much. 

 

Rei didn't mind Asuka one bit, but Asuka absolutely  _ despised  _ Rei. Kaworu couldn't figure out why, and Asuka’s only response was that Rei was “too creepy!” 

 

Kaworu was ready to just call it quits after a few days, but then he noticed that Rei and Asuka actually got along fine anyways. It was odd, it almost seemed like Asuka was trying to be less of an overwhelming person for Rei’s sake.

 

Shinji eventually found out about Kaworu’s ability to play the piano, and it didn't take long for Kaworu to offer to play for him. Shinji was flustered by the offer, but accepted it happily. This eventually lead to Shinji going over Kaworu’s house so he could play for him.

 

In the time he was there, Shinji met about half of Kaworu’s siblings and was lucky enough to avoid his parents. Kaworu was ecstatic about this of course, considering he told his parents about Shinji constantly. He didn't want them embarrassing him.

 

Eventually though, after Shinji had started to regularly visit Kaworu’s house, he did meet everyone. While it was seemingly a bit overwhelming for Shinji, he did confess to Kaworu that it was also very nice. 

 

~~~

 

Kaworu eventually dropped his hobby of researching soulmates about half way through the school year. He realised that he didn't care, and that he figured he would just find his soulmate naturally. Not only that, but there was also nothing left to research. Kaworu was basically an expert at this point.

 

~~~

 

Kaworu woke up to feeling nothing but aches and pains. It was like he’d fallen down the stairs or something while he was asleep.

 

He silently cursed his soulmate for being such a damn fool. Whoever they were, they needed to stop being so accident prone. 

 

Despite feeling like he got hit by a bus, Kaworu got himself and his younger siblings out of bed, and went to school. Ache filled body or no, he had to go to school. He was taking another sick day after he had already  used 2. 

 

Upon actually getting to school, Kaworu noticed that Shinji looked as bad as Kaworu felt (though only in the sense that he looked hurt and disheveled, Shinji always looked good to Kaworu). 

 

“Shinji, Are you alright?” Kaworu took a seat next to Shinji, unsure of the tone of his own voice.

 

“Uh, yeah. I just fell down the stairs last night is all. My back is absolutely killing me right now,” Shinji laughed nervously, but Kaworu’s jaw went slack. 

 

“... Shinji, can I ask you a bit of an… odd question?” His heart was pounding in his ears, and he silently hoped that he was right about this. 

 

“Sure, ask away I guess,” 

 

“You wouldn't happen to have a scar on the nape of your neck, would you?” Kaworu tried to focus on breathing. He had gotten a scar on the nape of his own neck because of his brother. Zeruel threw one of his gymnastics trophies at him when he was around 8 years old, and fortunately it scarred. 

 

For a moment Shinji was silent, and then he asked Kaworu if he could see his scar first. Kaworu agreed, showing Shinji the scar and then remarking that Kaworu woke up feeling as bad as Shinji described.

 

In less than a minute, Shinji was on the verge of tears. Hopefully tears of happiness.

 

~~~

 

By the time they had almost finished the school year, Shinji and Kaworu were as inseparable as ever. 

 

The two of them informed Kaworu's family about their discovery shortly after finding out, and now they loved Shinji even more. Kaworu’s parents, Adam and Lilith, told him he was ways welcomed, and that if he ever hurt Kaworu on purpose there would be consequences. Of course, Shinji would never, but they still gave him that talk. 

 

Kaworu also met Shinji and Rei’s guardian, a lovely woman named Misato who wasn't so quick to accept him. It took a while, but eventually she did of course. 

 

Kaworu felt lucky, he was lucky actually. He had Shinji, Shinji had him, and now that they knew they were soulmates they probably would never let go. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I tried. I wasn't sure if mentioning the angels so much was a good idea, but I did it anyways.
> 
> For something that I wrote a few nights ago at like 2am, this (hopefully) didn't turn out too bad.


End file.
